The Nighmare Never Ends

Israeli tanks and troops line up on a road near the Israeli town of Avivim, near the Lebanese border, Friday July 21, 2006. Israel massed tanks and troops on the border, called up reserves and warned civilians to flee Hezbollah-controlled southern Lebanon as it prepared Friday for a likely ground invasion to set up a deep buffer zone.(AP Photo/David Guttenfelder)




Most of the time I am an optimist, but right now my sense of doom is at level 8. Who can blame me?

Everywhere you look you will find war. F#@%!!!!! I get affected and angry at times.

If there is a hell, they are creating hell here and now!

Israel has the right to exist. The Arabs hate the Jews. The radical Muslims are mostly uneducated or just plain hateful men who has this insane thought that bombing themselves and innocent Christians or Jews will reward them of a better life in the clouds. Israel retaliates by bombing Lebanon, not minding the casualties of war. Some say this is the only solution, I say nay!

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Today is not a bad idea to wish that they all blow themselves out of the face of the earth. ~heart bleeds~

One of these days, there will be a global wave of suicide bombings that would create widespread havoc which will eventually lead to WW3. Maybe even the destruction of us all.

When will we wake up from this nightmare?

...Ramblings...Again...

...You know what separates us from the Neanderthal Man? OUR MODERN WEAPONS!

...You know what separates us from people 20,000 years ago? Nothing! Humans still believe in a god, albeit differently, and the supernatural, however stupid...to wage war in order to determine who has the real god. Meaning - after all the technoligical advancement, we are still a stupid lot!!!!

A Blast From the Past

I went to LA this weekend for a reunion with some high school friends. Being with them brought you back to a past you sometimes forget actually existed. Reminiscing the fun and carefree days of our youth also brought back a flood of nostalgic feeling hanging on the sentiment. I remember a line from the movie, "An Affair to Remember," in which Deborah Kerr told Cary Grant when they were on the deck of the boat, "Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories... And we've already missed the spring!." How true, how true! As one gets older, the memories keep the heart warm and happy.

In high school I was associated with the most most popular girls in school but I was the meek girl who quietly went along with whatever my friends wanted. In fact, I was the type one would almost always forget that I was even there. We were kids trying to fit in a world of calculated risks and figuring out the essence of life and love. Because we went through an enormous change of hormones and emotions, we had our share of dramas and because we we wanted to test our wings we had our share of adventure, sometimes verging on stupidity and foolishness as we experimented with cigarettes and booze (well, actually mine were just cigarettes, the booze-I get the hives). But It was mostly clean fun. These experiences and the people that was part of it contributed a fraction of what we are today.

We talked about our present lives, relationships or husbands, kids, jobs, weight gain, and of course the usual comparing of notes regarding our sex lives. We complained about how age is catching up on us with high blood, allergies, cholesterol, sugar level and the dreaded menopause. We exchanged notes and hearsay (and got sad) about how some of our friends are still leading miserable lives because of the wrong choices they made earlier in their lives of which they still could not get out of. This we heard from friends and other friends so probably the stories got a tad more exagerated, some added a bit more misery to elicit pathos. Not that we want to believe it all, but since we have lost contact, this is all we knew about them.

Seeing friends of your youth and going back in time for that one weekend is both exhilarating and tiring. We vowed to do it once a year. I believe in making new friends but I try to keep old friends nearer to my heart.

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My flight was delayed for 6 hours because there was severe winds and thunderstorm in LV. While waiting at the airport I felt the tiredness surge into my body. But I also felt alive in a long, long time. And for the first time in my life, I slept amidst the turbulence of the plane in the middle of a thunderstorm above LV. A reunion is like the fierce wind in the desert at the onset of summer. It will always be a welcome blast.

Does Everyone Go Through Mid Life Crisis?

Pia, a friend from high school called me a while ago to catch up and compare notes on how life has been treating us. She said that she is experiencing a mid life crisis. If I remember my Psychology class, it was Carl Jung who first identified it. It's a combination of:

Depression
Boredom, exhaustion, or frantic energy
Self-questioning, especially on the purpose of life
Daydreaming
Greatly decreased or increased sexual desire
Sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger
Greatly decreased or increased ambition
Irritability or unexpected anger

I think I've always had 3 or 4 of these symptoms ever since I turned 30. Is it possible to experience it in your 30's? Since I experience a constant spiral of emotions, I guess mid life crisis is nothing new to me.

So she asked, how does one cure bouts of depression (which is a symptom of MLC)? For me, it's Reading, writing, movies, & nature. I've long known that whatever gets you through the day, whatever makes you happy, and in the words of my daughter, whatever floats your boat, go for it!

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Life is too short. When we're dead, that's it! No heaven, no hell, no reincarnation, no meeting your creator. There's nothing after that! Period!

Hyphenated Nationalities

A poll taker approached me today. She asked me if I can take a quick poll, 8 questions to answer, takes about 2 minutes.

"Why not, I can spare a couple of minutes. Go for it!" I said.

First question was, "What is the most important issue today that you think needs to be improved more? Taxes, Social Security, Health Care, or Education?" Answer: Education

"Are you in favor of how Bush handled the war in Iraq?" Answer: Definitely Not

"Do you support the War in Iraq?" Answer: No

"Do you support our soldiers in Iraq?" Answer: Yes

Some other questions regarding political issues that I vaguely remember......

Finally, "What is your Nationality?" Answer: American

She paused for a second and then said, "Uhm...The question actually refers to your race."

"Is that so!" I said, more amazed than amused. "Are we really being regarded as a nation of Hyphenated Nationalities now?" I asked.

She looked at me with puzzled eyes. She couldn't find the right words to say. With that she thanked me and left. In her haste, she forgot to ask my name.

No! I was not offended. I just don't see the relevance of that last question at all. I would understand it if she was connected with the census bureau. I would have even given her my racial, national, tribal, religious, linguistic, and cultural origin/background.

Getting Out of My Comfort Zone

My daughter, Chris, got her Driver's License today. I should be happy because from now on I won't be a chauffer. She can go to school without waking her papa at 6:50AM and I would be able to do my work without interruptions at 2PM to pick her up. However, I feel a bit sad because I would miss the, "Mom, will you please drive me to....."

Since she is a bit more independent with that license, I will be going back to field work. I opted to work at home ever since she was a toddler because I wanted to make sure I personally attend to her needs and I wanted to be there when she gets home from school. I must admit, I was lucky because I did have that option. With Jan, my eldest, I could not do that. She was already 13 when that option became available. Thanks to my husband because he was my extension out in the fields.

Anyway, it might probably take a while for me to get out in the field again. It's so hard to get out of your comfort zone. However, I give myself 10 years to be able to retire comfortably. So I better map out my life...starting now!

A humdrum of existence

Today, a friend asked me where I'll be watching the fireworks. I told him that I wasn't planning to because I don't feel like going out.

He said matter of factly, "why don't you get your damn butt off your rockers and hit the strip!!!" "When did you get to be so boring?" He added.

He's right! I need to get a life. I just have to know where to start and how to live again!

For those of you who care, Happy 4th of 7. Ciao!

Wrestling With Myself at 3AM

Damn! Insomnia is killing me!

I kept on flipping channels and all I see are dumb early Saturday movies. Hmmm...Shall it be "Shaun of the Dead?" "Mangler?" "Land of the Dead?" "The Witches of Breastwick?" "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey?" "Howling: New Beginning?" or "Pet Sematary 2?" YEAH, RIGHT!!!

Shucks! Discovery Channel is on paid programming.

I wanted to resume reading the book I started today, "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency." I am just afraid that I might not sleep at all if I did. While some people read before they sleep, I can't! I'd end up pulling an all nighter just to finish the book.

Good Grief! I think I'll just take half an Ambien or a glass of wine, or both! Otherwise, I'd end up counting a million sheeps.