Saturday, August 13, 2005


I don't remember if I dream every night. Most often after I wake up I forget about it. However, I dream from time to time and when I remember what my dream was the moment I wake up, it's usually because it was either a nightmare or something that would bother me. Ridiculous as it may sound, I go and research on the meaning of my dream, however moronic the meaning may be. I have a problem sleeping. I envy my husband because as soon as he lies down on the bed and before you finish counting to 20, he's already snoring. Since I have a problem sleeping, I have a bigger problem waking up in the morning. Every day, I set the alarm to go off at 8AM. Every morning is a struggle to get up. The alarm goes off, I hit snooze and go back to sleep. The alarm goes off again, I hit snooze and go back to sleep, probably to try to remember my dream but instead have another dream before the alarm goes off again. After I finally wake up, I forget the dream altogether, if there was one.

Every night, though, I often think about dreaming that there is a place where the road keeps going, the moon begins to bow out of the sky and beyond the horizon the sun begins to rise in all its splendor and glory. A lake with crystal clear water mirrors trees teeming with different color leaves, abundant profusion of flowers, atop the beautiful verdant mountains that surrounds and protects the land. That is heaven on earth.

What a rush!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

In awe with faith

My sister in law, Len, is on her deathbed. Her body is ravaged by cancer, her organs are rapidly shutting down. Yet it amazes me to see that her Catholic faith is undaunted even in the precipice of death. What amazes me more is her robust belief that she is going to be reborn in the afterlife. She is sure that there is a spot for her in heaven. How can a person be so sure of something that is considered just a thought?

I regard with admiration, people with undying faith in a god, however different the religion might be, as each of us have different concept based on what we believe. In love, in death and in danger, you draw your inner strength and energy with faith in a god. The belief that God will give you eternal life after death is a faith that overcomes the adversities of mortality.

Somewhere between 27 and 35, I must have missed the boat. Since then, I refused to get on. My Catholic faith could not sustain my faith in God. The questions were innumerable, immeasurable. It was THAT faith that escaped my being. Oh, don't get me wrong. I still have faith in the power of love and the inherent nature and the goodness of men. I just don't believe in god anymore.

However, faith - in people, in oneself, even in a personal god, no matter what religion, as long as it helps get them through their days, is as right as rain. That much is certain!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Missing San Quentin

Oh fudge! I accidentally deleted my Feb to June journals. I can't believe I did that! Wahhhhhhhh!!!!! KICK ME IN THE BUTT!

It's hot here in the desert. On most afternoons, your energy gets drained and you stop thinking. For the past weeks temperature has reached more than a hundred. The highest was 116F. Whew!

Yesterday, somebody asked me if I liked Las Vegas. I stated mater-of-factly that I did. It is full of life, endless happenings, and unlike the bedroom community I came from, it's bustling with fun and sun. Then she said, "that bad, huh?" We laughed.

But really, I'm beginning to like it here. Ask me in another year, I betcha I'd say the same thing but would act like I really do. Yes, I must admit, I still miss the Bay area. The weather, the greens, the flowers, the rolling hills, the verdant mountains, the Bay, the marinas, the fog, Golden Gate, Bay Bridge, Angel Island, Alcatraz, Napa and the wine county, in fact - I even miss looking at the San Quentin Prison...oh my, I just sighed!!!

Here's to Las Vegas and the Bay Area. 2 great places to live! Cheers!

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